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Bah, Humbug!

December 16, 2013
Logo design by Christine Hepner

I’m not a big fan of the holiday season, but I’ve promised to act “as if” for the sake of the Little Guy until he’s old enough to become jaded and bitter, too. So once again this year, I’ll be watching the holiday favorites, keeping the comments below to myself, mostly.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas: The Grinch is a Seussian Bernie Madoff. He takes all the assets (even the Roast Beast) from a group of reasonably well-off Whos, and then returns the same assets to the same group of Whos posing as a hero in this grinchy Ponzi scheme. The sequel should be “How the Whos Prosecuted the Grinch for Financial Douchbaggery Although No Other Grinches Ever Faced Charges.”

It’s a Wonderful Life: Doesn’t Pottersville look like a lot more fun than Bedford Falls? I mean, at least in Pottersville, there are bars and strips clubs. People are out getting drunk on Christmas Eve, which to me sounds like a lot more fun than going to church. It reminds me of NYC before Guiliani turned it into Disney World North. Times Square used to be dirty and dangerous, just the way I liked it. Now it’s full of tourists going to Appleby’s and The Olive Garden. And I’m sorry, but Mary would have totally married Sam Wainwright, moved to NYC, and been rich and pampered. There is no way she would have been the sad-sack librarian in Pottersville.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Global warming melts the North Pole, causing a persistent fog that make flying at night nearly impossible in this tale of sports-field bullying, homophobia, unfair employment practices, and just plain god-awful parenting. I mean, making your child wear a falsie….

Frosty the Snowman: Again, blame global warming for this tale of tragedy witnessed by children.

A Christmas Carol: Mr. Scrooge goes to bed a Republican and wakes up a Democrat.

A Charlie Brown Christmas: Sorry, even I can’t be cynical about that amazing sound track. We have the CD. I love to dance like the twins.

Happy Whatever to all, and to all, a good night!

© Copyright 2013

One Comment
  1. “A Christmas Carol: Mr. Scrooge goes to bed a Republican and wakes up a Democrat.” Very clever.


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