Round Two!

February 23, 2012

Our first cycle had ended in March with the “dismissal” (their word, not mine) of our perfect potential donor. It had taken 5 months to be matched the first time, so I thought maybe I would have the summer before I would have to start the hormone treatments again. I had turned 50 in February and now that we had to wait for another donor, I would not give birth until after my next birthday. That was a tough psychological barrier for me to cross–I understood that it was really only a matter of weeks one way or another, but giving birth at 50 had seemed bad enough to me, but 51 just seemed outlandish and crazy.

At least for the next cycle, I knew that the side effects were minimal and that I would be able to keep all my 7:30 am appointments at CWRC without missing any work. It became critical over the course of the next 18 months that I managed my time off very, very carefully and not use a minute more of the time off I was allotted. Although for 3.5 years, I had a wonderful job with great bosses, that was soon to change drastically. I started reporting to a new boss that summer, and this boss began “building a case” to fire me. Very, very nasty and horribly stressful for me. More on that later.

In the meantime, our friends had followed our progress and were all disappointed for us and wanted to know the details. Almost every single person we told among our friends and family were completely supportive, but we did have some funny reactions. One friend looked directly at me when I told her we were undergoing IVF and said, “You’re too old.” No doubts where she stood on the topic. Then, there’s my friend, Lisa. I think Lisa would be the first to admit that she holds very little back on any subject at any time, ever. That’s the charm of Lisa. She believes in confronting issues head-on, discussing them, holding nothing back, getting it all out, in other words, she’s not Irish.

Lisa had “ethical” objections, which I think had to do with the donor’s rights and her long-term health or the whole “business” of egg donation in which young woman are paid to provide eggs. I also think Lisa was terrified for me and my health and ability to carry a baby at my age. She had been there with me in 2002 when my back was out and I didn’t work (or walk) for months and months on end. This was 3 years before I even met D, so she had an understanding of exactly how bad my back was that D couldn’t.

Meanwhile at CWRC, Alyssa the donor coordinator began looking for another match for us. We were placed at the top of list this time because of the previous failure, and within weeks, we got a call. She had another potential match for us.

What can I say except that our first donor was a hard act to follow. The first match had just been so perfect in every way, and this second match was wonderful, too, but there was one part of her background that made us a little nervous. She was born in a region that had experienced an environmental disaster just about the time she was born. It was the sort of disaster that could possibly cause problems in the next generation. ‘Nuff said.

We called Alyssa the next day to talk about our concerns. She told us that part of the screening process for the donors is a detailed investigation of environmental issues. For example, any young woman who was in the UK for any length of time, even vacations, during the 80s was banned from donating because of the potential exposure to mad-cow disease. We were reassured, and so at the end of May, 2010, we started again with the nightly Lupron injections. We were told that having a donor dismissed was an extremely rare occurrence, so the odds that could happen to us against were teensy….wait, did you just hear music?……….

Next time: Third time’s a charm?

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