How parenthood has changed us (and by us, I mean me)

D has been not only a great dad, learning as he goes just as I’ve been trying to do, but he’s also been my rock. He constantly encourages me and lets me know that he is impressed by how quickly I took to parenthood. I’m pretty shocked, actually, myself. One of my biggest fears was that I just would not enjoy parenthood and would just be going through the motions. And I do readily admit, at first, that was a pretty accurate description. I’m not a baby person. Those first few months, after I’d attended to the baby’s needs–feeding, cleaning, diapering, bathing, cuddling, rocking to sleep–I was pretty much at a loss. There were times that it felt like I was on a really long, awkward first date. He would kind of look at me with that look that says, “Please, say something, ask me about myself, entertain me,” and I’d kind of look back at him like, “OK, now what?”

I woke up in the wee hours one morning when F was about 2 or 3 months old. He had had a bad night, and I had barely gotten any sleep. I looked over, there were empty bottles everywhere, I felt exhausted and achy and vaguely nauseated, and it took me a minute to come up with the names of the two guys in bed with me. I couldn’t help thinking, “Man, it’s like the 80s all over again.” Only, the two guys were my husband and my baby, and I’m TOTALLY kidding about the 80s. Kind of. Suffice it to say that I lived the HELL out of my 20s and 30s, and for that matter, even my 40s. I didn’t know if I could adjust to life as a mom.

It is a tremendous adjustment for two people who have made it to 50 without children to become parents. We are still adjusting. We got a great invitation in the mail a few weeks ago to a party on Long Island that we both really want to attend, but it’s just not going to work out. Traveling is another matter. As the single or childless ones in our families for so long, D and I were the ones who always traveled to family for holidays and weekends rather than having family travel to us. I had it down to a science after years of taking public transportation from NYC to PA for weekends. I needed one pair of shoes in my suitcase, one on my feet, two outfit changes and a t-shirt. One small bag complete with cosmetics, and I’m good for 4 or 5 days.

Now, I need 4 or 5 bags just for F for a weekend. It’s all been said before, how could something so tiny require so much stuff?

He’s 15 months now, and I do have to say, I’m happy to have put the first year behind me. He is a little guy now, he walks and talks and sings and has a mind of his own and is so fun to be around. I feel like I put in a lot of dull, monotonous, grunt work in the first year, and now it’s time to enjoy his company as I watch him become this amazingly happy and entertaining little person.

So, as a couple, how have things changed between us?

Well, one afternoon, D and I were tag-team diapering F. It really is a two-person job, as most parents know. I was just getting ready to close the new diaper up when D looked at me with such love and admiration in his eyes, it almost took my breath away. Then he said, “Tomorrow, I’m going to get you the biggest…….” And for one split second I couldn’t help but think “diamond ring? new car? bottle of champagne?”

Nope, he said, instead, “Tomorrow, I’m going to get you the biggest…….tub of diaper rash ointment I can find at the drug store.” Seriously, I laughed out loud! He was so sincere, too. Oh, and just to clarify, I’m not a diamond ring or new car gal. D proposed to me at a lake in PA in November after we had played tennis at my old high school. I was still red, sweaty, and had an unfortunate uniboob situation going on. There was no diamond ring; I’ve never wanted one. It was perfect!

And the tub of diaper rash ointment was perfect too! Turns out, it was just what I’ve always wanted!

Next time: Are you his nanny?

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