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I’m pregnant!

September 2, 2011
Positive pregnancy test October 10. 2011

I woke up at 7 a.m. on October 10, 2010 when my cell phone alarm went off. My first reaction was annoyance. It was Sunday, why the hell was my alarm going off so early? Then I remembered….I set the alarm so that I could get up and take an HPT (home pregnancy test as we “in the know” call them).

It was 10 days since our embryo transfer procedure and one day before I was scheduled to go into the clinic for an official pregnancy blood test. Our doctors made no recommendations about whether to take a home test or not. Since they are not 100% accurate or can be misread, some doctors will advise against taking them, but the decision was up to us. Dave was not really for it, for the same reasons above, but I knew I was going to take one (even if my doctor had advised against).

I stumbled down the hall to our bathroom where I had set up the test the night before. Months of doing ovulation tracking had prepared me for the inconvenience of peeing on sticks in the morning. Still bleary-eyed, I placed the test on the flat surface and began the long wait to see if I was pregnant.

But I already knew what the result would be. Within a minute, the word “pregnant” became clearly visible, and I still don’t know how to describe the feelings: joy, of course, but with healthy, heaping helpings of panic, terror, and fright thrown in, too. We (especially I) had been working for this for more than 2 years. I had a million opportunities to call it off anywhere along the line, and I hadn’t. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I had my doubts and fears. Were we too old? Were we financially secure enough? Was I going to able to carry a baby full-term, and would I survive the birth? Did Dave really understand the drastic change our lives would undergo? Did I? Does anyone?

From → The Back Story

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