Let’s talk about sex, baby

June 1, 2012

If you are easily offended, just don’t want to know, or related to me in any way, feel free to skip this post. I’m curious how many “hits” this post will get because of the title. While I will never write about our personal life, as a public service, I can offer this list of tips I’ve heard from other new parents.

Things that will NOT help you get your groove back, post-baby:

Each time your significant other leans in to kiss you, stick your index finger out reaching towards his/her face and say in your best baby-talky voice, “Where’s your nose? Where is your NOSE-Y?”
Forget to put away all the baby toys, especially the musical ones, so that when you finally get into bed “Pop Goes the Weasel” keeps playing randomly every time one of you makes the slightest move drowning out your iPod‘s current selection, Ravel’s Bolero.
Stretch out in your newly made up bed taking time to enjoy the feel of the crisp, clean sheets, until your toes hit something kind of warm and squishy. Jump up and fling back the sheets to find that your cat has yacked up a hair ball while sleeping under the blankets. Try not to gag while you strip the bed and then shower.
Start singing “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family” after your partner says, “I love you.”

I’ll report the number of hits next post. By the way, I find it fascinating that the number one search on google that gets to my site is “pregnant women who cheat.” I wrote a silly post a while back about the “seven-month itch, or why pregnant women cheat” as a joke, but apparently pregnant women cheat a lot or at least google it a lot!